it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
