I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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