Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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