I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
