Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
