If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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