i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
