? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
