I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize