Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
