Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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