hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
