another moral hangover. fuck.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
