Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
