I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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