he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
