He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
