I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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