in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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