I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
