Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
