He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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