im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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