Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.