I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.