You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.