Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle