Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?