New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
