I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
