That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
