i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
