Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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