It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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