i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
birth control should be required to get into college
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Drake has all the answers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
