Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
