He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
