guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
