awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
