Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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