Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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