drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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