im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize