No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
