yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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