dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
