Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
