When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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