dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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