did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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