I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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