I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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