How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
