thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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