I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
