oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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