I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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