haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
