I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
