Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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