Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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