when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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