who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
