I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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