Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
