i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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