4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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