I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
