No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
