This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
