i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
