I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
