If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
