My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
