So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
