You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
