This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
