So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
