my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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