found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
