Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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