I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
