drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Everclear isn't food dammit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
